My ode to my best friend . . . xoxo

Ahhhh okay - what's been going on?
Well.........I have found the most amazing apartment! It's a one bedroom (*sniff - ack! - ugh - sniff*) and it's gorgeous and just down the street from where I live now. First I lost it, then I got it, then I almost lost it again, until my wonderful, incredible friend J.P. bailed me out . . . YET AGAIN by lending me a downpayment until Friday when I get paid. My mother also helped me by lending me the rest. Honestly guys, it's a beautiful place and I'm really excited. I'm also aprehensive though . . . I mean, I've never lived on my own - all by myself. I've been living with Amanda for the past six years and I mean as much as I was left alone as a child, I've never lived alone. I'm terrified. Everyone says I'll get used to it and I'll love it eventually, but I don't know. Amanda is a fantastic roomate to have! Sure she doesn't rinse out her plates most of the time! Sure she leaves her socks in the living room! Sure she leaves half empty cups of tea everywhere!! But nonetheless, she has been fan - fuckin - tastic to live with! Trust me, I am no prize to live with. Sometimes I don't rinse my plates, I always, I mean ALWAYS leave my clothes EVERYWHERE!! But I can still be a good roomate. Her and I are kind of bad influences on each other, we figured this out last night. If she doesn't feel like doing something and I don't feel like doing it, and we both know that we're SUPPOSED to do it. We just encourage eachother not to do it and leave it at that. And then we end up going to get munchies and renting a movie. Ahhhh, the good ol' days.
The two of us have been through a house with her mother - first in one room - sharing a bed for months and then in seperate rooms, where we would have 'sleepovers' (eg; "knock knock" "come in" "can I sleep over at your room tonight?" "sure! We can watch movies!") yeah, we're pathetic, but we're also the bestest, best kind of friends anyone could have.So after the house, we survived our first apartment - consisting of uneven floors, mold, cracked windows and the most unbalanced temperatures you could ever imagine. In the winter, you would freeze because of the ice gathered up at the windows, and in the summer, don't even think about sitting in our 'loft' living room, because you would literally sweat just standing there naked! It was horrible, but funny. For christmas, we moved one of the beds upstairs and slept beside the christmas tree! That was cool. And then we moved to this apt. which for the most part, is a nice place to live. We got Salem here and he grew up in this place. It's not that bad. Except the landlords are crap, crabby people that don't do shit to fix this place up and I think we've had some BAD Karma here! Some really shitty shit has gone down in this apt., but somehow we survived it. I don't know how. I can't even begin to comprehend how we survived everything that we have so far.
The two of us have been through more crap together and have seen eachother through the worst possible things, that I'm surprised we're still standing now. But we've also seen our share of fantastic times together too. With some fantastic people.

It's just amazing to me how we went from little 15 year old girls, who would have either died or suffacated in the lives we had, to mature, 23 year old women who, despite the shit the world threw at us, still stayed strong and ended up maintaining a solid friendship that so far has lasted almost eight years so far!We've gained new friends, lost old friends, really lost some friends and other came and went, but somehow changed our lives someway. We've laughed until our sides hurt like hell and tears formed in our eyes and we couldn't breathe. We've fought until our throats were soar and more tears formed and then gave the silent treatment. We've cried until we looked chinese, with puffy faces and runny noses and complete rolls of toilet paper, because we were almost always too poor to afford kleenex. We've made fun of people, had people make fun of us. We've had rumors fly about us - ones we just laughed at, others we were pissed at. We've gotten in so, SO much trouble together, but always backed eachother up. We've made good decisions, bad decisions, but ALWAYS backed eachother up. (Even if we didn't agree with those decisions.) We've been through phases. Bad music phases. Bad clothing phases. "What were we thinking" phases - actually, I think we're still in these phases. We still act like children sometimes, and it's fun and we NEVER have to justify anything for eachother. We've seen our share of heartache (one more than the other) and have always been there to make 'perfect tea' or 'perfect juice' or 'perfect toast' for each other. We've been there to eat ice cream and tell the other one how much men suck and that we ought to become nuns. We've . . . well, I've beat on people on her behalf. Okay, not people - boys - there were prob. girls there too that I've had to tell off on her behalf - oh yeah there was! Anyway, we stand up for eachother if someone else has hurt the other one. That's the point. The boys came and went. Sometimes we had tests thrown at us. Hard tests that we thought we'd failed many times. Things that tested our friendship and loyalty to eachother. Even though we may have failed a couple, we were always there to forgive and study for the next one. We've learned alot of lessons together. We've taught a lot of lessons together. We've learned that we can't count on anyone, but eachother and NO ONE will ever understand us, but ourselves. We brought our own style to our friendship, mixed it together and created a monster! We don't agree on everything. In fact, we don't agree on much. IN FACT, we don't even have that much in common! Except that we love eachother and no matter what, we always will.There has been so much that we've done together in the time that we've been friends. We've always been there when the other was going through tough times. Really tough times. I don't think or know if we've ever regretted anything in our friendship. I know I haven't. Any decision that was made - was made for a reason. To teach us something and make us stronger. It's true. We do tell eachother everything. We go to the bathroom together because we have to talk about something. We have the same mindset, sayings - phrases and manneurisms now, because we've been friends for so long. Don't get me wrong, though. We have many other great, GREAT fantastic friends in our lives. I have other best friends that have helped me through shit and understand me on a different level. I love them all too.Everyone just has to understand that Amanda and I are a special case. Not many friends could last through what we've been through. Life gets in the way. Everything will. I'm braced for more to come at us. Look at what's happening now . . . we're moving from eachother. For the first time in about seven years, her and I will not see eachother everyday or live in the same place. This is big to us . . . well to me anyway. So it's not just that I'm scared of living on my own, I'm scared of living without my best friend. There's still a part of me that is scared that we may drift apart years to come. That people, places, provinces . . . anything will come between us, inevitably and we won't be what we are now. I'm preparing myself, but at the same time - I trust our friendship and what it's been through so far. We're prob. just growing up (which I don't want to do) and our lives are going to change. I almost feel like I'm starting high school again. That's exactly what it's like. Scary. We'll be fine. We always are!

Anyway, speaking of Amanda - I don't understand it! She is an amazing girl. Beautiful, intelligent, funny - just incredible. So why is it that guys continue to hurt her? I mean, honestly. Is it that hard to be with someone who is like that? Granted, okay - I don't know all of the situations and what happened exactly, but there is no excuse to the way that she's been treated in the last two years. Look, I'm sorry that these guys were hurt and that their girlfriends were slutty bitches, but do they really have to take it out on someone like Amanda? I'll say it right now, I'm putting it out there - if I could take her - I would!!! If there was one woman I would spend my life with, of course it would be my best friend!! These guys are never going to find someone as great as her. She'll treat them so good and they still hurt her. It baffles me. I've seen and heard every excuse in the book that they've given her and none of them fly. These guys will charm her and she ends up falling for them - and of course they give off the impression that they feel the same way - this being proven, not only to her, but to those around her and the guy, just the way they act, we can see that this guy will feel something for her. Then all of a sudden, she's crying because of something this asshole did. And we hear the "bad timing" thing and of course "maybe somewhere down the road" - which, I'll admit, I've given that line. As true as it may be, it's not a good thing to say, because no matter what, you can't make it sound convincing and it never ends up being true. To top it all off - these guys move on like it was nothing!! Before you know it, they're fucking around with someone new. Fine! But don't sit there and say that you're oh so broken hearted while you're doing this and Amanda feels like shit. It's ridiculous. I think that guys need to stop and think for a second. If you've just ended a long, serious relationship and the girl has hurt you - DON'T GET INTO ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!! For Godsakes, it's that simple. It doesn't matter - you need sufficent time to get over another girl. Otherwise, you miss out severely when you get in with someone sweet that you could possible love and end up hurting her so bad that you'll never be friends ( hence; amanda's 'guys and girls can't be friends' post) She doesn't deserve that.Amanda does not deserve the treatment she's gotten in the last two years. The poor girl has been through it all with men and I don't blame her if she's giving up. Now, I know there are nice guys out there . . . somewhere. It's just a matter of finding them. I also know that there are some psycho bitches out there who are maneaters, but not everyone is like that so stop treating ALL girls like that's what's going to happen. There are some sweet girls out there, like my boo Amanda - who won't hurt you like that and will treat you like gold if you just give the relationship a chance to breath and grow. These guys need to trust her more. She tries so hard in these relationships and ends up being the only one who's doing that. It's sad really that these guys all let something so great slip through their fingers. If any of these guys are missing her, they should be!! She's quite missable!! And it's ALL THEIR FAULT for letting her go. One day, they'll regret letting go of that sweet girl because they fucked up and didn't try to hold on to her.But you know what? She's a fuckin' strong girl. Despite what these guys have done to her, she has never stooped to their level and she's toughed each relationship out without demeaning herself in any way. Good luck finding a classy girl like that anywhere else, boys!!!(plus, she has a tight butt and a nice tits!!!) lol
Anyway - I'm exhausted after all that writing and thinking. I'm going now.
I hope you enjoyed my rant!
I'll talk more another time.
Stay good kids.
Peace
Yolanda xxx ooo
PS: now maybe some people will understand more. Amanda has been the only one who has ALWAYS been there for me and she saved my life when I needed saving. We're very protective of eachother. If someone hurts her, it's like hurting me - I don't stand for people hurting my friends. They are my family. I will fight back. I will defend. And I will feel NO sorrow for doing it.

Take Them Off, Pull Them Down Just a Little Bit

current mood: a little anxious
presently listening to: the hum of the fridge

So, I just got back from Roxy's but I'll have you know that I only had half a drink tonight so this won't be a drunken rambling that I sometimes tend to do. Roxy's on a weeknight - that seems odd for a girl who doesn't like the place to begin with. Lately I've been feeling like quite the little bar-star. There was a purpose for me being there tonight though. I promised Ryan's girlfriend I would take her out and tonight was the night she chose. I've never been there on a Wednesday night before. Wow, I think it was more packed then on a Friday night! Some of those bar-whores were really getting on my nerves though. I mean, they always do but tonight was a special case. How many times do you have to get smacked in the back before you turn around and rip out a hair extension? I have to admit though that I wasn't on my best behaviour. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I didn't go home with some random guy. Come on, does that really sound like me? The situation did involve panties though. You see, tomorrow night is Roxy's anniversary bash and in order to be there you have to have an invite. In order to receive an invite you have to earn it. Well to earn the invite for myself and three of my friends...I showed the d.j. my underwear. I know, totally not like me. He wanted to see something black and sexy. Well...my underwear were black, strappy and definitely sexy. I know, I know, to most of you that sounds like nothing but to me, that was definitely something. You all know that I pride myself on being classy. The way I look at it, he wanted to see nipples and so on earlier in the night but I waited for something a little less trashy. At least I didn't do the wet t-shirt contest that everyone said I should have done. That was definitely...something. I now know that I could never be a stripper. I have way too much class and self-respect. I know a lot of girls do it to support their children or put themselves though school and that's totally their decision, but those girls tonight I just felt sorry for. I mean, a guy practically threw me out of his way to get to the stage! This is why they do it. Male attention. I just think it's sad. I know some people will argue with me but that's my perspective on the whole situation. So anyway, I'm off tomorrow night to do it all over again. Wow, I think that's it for me. No more bar-starring for a little while. The funny thing is, while I showed my undies for an invite, Ryan only had to show his beer for his. So as it stands now, we have two invites. I'm bringing the girls and he's bringing the guys. So my next question is what to wear? I wore my new outfit tonight. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna keep it casual. Maybe I'll do the sexy/sporty look. It was a night though. Sheree got hit with a stool. I thought she was going to dropkick someone and a group of guys kept staring at me like they wanted a gangbang. It's ok though, Ryan got us in VIP so I didn't have to wait in the long line. That was sweet! Tomorrow night though, I think I'm going to have to drink a little more. TBay guys are just not that good looking. It's the alcohol that makes them look good. Anyway, that's my little story for tonight. Maybe I'll post again tomorrow after I get home. Until then everyone, have a good night or day depending on when you read this.
Luv Amanda

Blah...

current mood: undecided
presently listening to: the sound of the t.v.

Alright kids, here we go again. What to write about tonight. I've been sick lately so I haven't been at work for the last six days. While I have enjoyed the time off, I'm not too sure I'm going to like my paycheck at the end of the week. I'm also not too excited about going back tomorrow. Oh well, what can you do? I have been doing a lot of thinking lately though. With Yolanda working 10 hour days I've had a lot of time to myself. I'm starting to think that too much time can sometimes be a bad thing. Life as I've said before is an extremely complicated thing. This I come across more and more the older I become. What to be when I grow up is something I question constantly. I envy those who are in college obtaining knowledge of their chosen path. Any idea's of what I should be? I've been told a stripper on many occasions, although I don't believe you can go to school to obtain a bachelor in pole dancing! Oh well, I'm sure in time it will come to me. So, moving on...my Rybo is back in town. How exciting! For those who have yet to meet Ryan, I'll give you a small back story. Ryan and I met in kindergarten. 19 years ago...wow, that's a long time. He was my first boyfriend and was also my first kiss. Years have passed and now my little "boyfriend" Ryan has become my "brother" Rybo. A couple years ago he moved out to Germany. He is now back in town for a couple weeks and I'm so excited. I love the guy, what can I say? He drives me crazy and sometimes I want to beat on him but he'll always be the one guy I know I can always count on. *sap, sap*

******************** *********************
current mood: nauseous
presently listening to: not a whole hell of a lot

Alright, sorry about that. Everything above the stars was written yesterday. I really wanted to finish my post last night but with being sick and on medication, I tend to get sleepy fairly quickly. Today is a new day. I went back to work today. It's funny how quickly news travels around there. You're away sick for a couple days and everyone acts like it's a miracle to see you back. Oh well, it's nice to know that I'm missed. So, I just finished watching a biography on Tommy Lee. It's surprising how interesting the man actually is. A few months ago I read his biography "Tommyland". I know most people would not expect that of me but growing up with a sister eight years older than me, I've come to know a lot about 80's metal bands. The man has had his share of problems but has found a way to both roll with and learn from them. This I actually admire. Now, I'm not saying that Tommy Lee is the best role model but he is a man of substance. Anywho...not too much else is coming to mind right now. I really need to start writing these ideas down as they come to me. As I said though, the meds are keeping me pretty loopy. I think I'm gonna head to bed. I promise to have something to say in my next post.
Goodnight everyone.
Luv Amanda

Why Do You Sing With Me at All

current mood: sickly
presently listening to: nothing

So, I guess I feel the need to speak about/add on to Yolanda's post. Real men...well, I really don't know what happened to them. I guess it's just evolution. Women are stepping up and saying/doing things they never would have years ago and men are just sitting back and letting them. Granted, there's nothing wrong with that. If a man tried to get in the way of us doing something that we were driven to do...well, we would take him out! The subject of sending flowers? YES. I know I'm one of the first people who says that flowers are overrated, but have I ever complained when I've received them? No. No girl will. Although, flowers aren't the end all, be all of romance . Take us back a little while ago. I was dating someone who brought me flowers farely often. These flowers weren't for any particular reason, just to make me smile and to know that he was thinking about me. That was nice, but this same guy with all the nice flowers didn't support my decision to go to school. That was a big hurdle that eventually had a hand in breaking us up. While the little things put a smile on her face, it's the larger supports that really make the difference. Although, I'm not saying not to send flowers. Putting a smile on a girl's face is not neccessarily a bad thing. So, anyway where was I going with this? Oh yeah, problematic relationships. Alright, bottom line. If the feelings are gone then the relationship is over. Tell her. Yeah, it'll be tough to hear and she may hate you for a little while but eventually someone else will come along and her pain won't be as much. BUT, and this is a large BUT. If there are even the smallest amount of feelings left, you owe it to her and yourself to follow through. I don't care how often the two of you fight, how badly she/you screwed up, or whatever. Yolanda's right. Grow some fucking balls and ask for her back before someone else comes along and scoops up your girl. Now, I understand that it's not always that easy. No one said life is easy. People have morals and boundaries. This is actually something to feel very proud about, but someone also once told me not to sell yourself short and sometimes I think that means to take the road less travelled. One thing I've learned about life is while morals are something that everyone should have and feel proud about, they don't always lead you in the right direction. This was only learned after following my morals down a path where I might have missed out on a great opportunity. Being stubborn gets you nowhere. I learned that the hard way. So guys, final Jerry Springer message. Follow your heart. Do what needs to be done to ease your mind and make you happy. Life in my opinion is about surviving. Survival means sometimes doing things that you wouldn't neccessarily do in order to make a situation better.
Alright, so in true Yolanda tradition, I'm going to post a song by one of my favourite artist's Damien Rice.
Thanks for listening everyone.
Luv Amanda

"Delicate"

We might kiss when we are aloneWhen nobody's watching

We might take it homeWe might make out when nobody's there

It's not that we're scaredIt's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrowWith the words you've borrowed

From the only place you've known

And why do you sing HallelujahIf it means nothing to you

Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never beforeWhen there's nothing to give

Well how can we ask for moreWe might make love in some sacred place

The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrowWith the words you've borrowed

From the only place you've known

And why do you sing HallelujahIf it means nothing to you

Why do you sing with me at all?So why do you fill my sorrow

With the words you've borrowedFrom the only place you've known

And why do you sing HallelujahIf it means nothing to you

Why do you sing with me at all?

"Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"

Hey brothas and sistahs, what's up? Alright, I have a question - when did men stop fighting? I mean honestly - lately, I've found that men have become . . . how you say . . . uh - pussies! What happened to real men? Okay - most of you know that I am a hippie of sorts and a femanist, but gee whiz! (yes, I said gee whiz)
When I say fighting - I don't mean "Hey Bob! I'm gonna punch ya in the face!" - I mean thing like, sending flowers when you fuck up, when you know you fuck up or even when you think you've fucked up. If your woman's sad - or pissed and it's very much directed towards you - chances are - it's your fault. You gotta watch what you say. You can say the smallest thing - and we could take offense to it. I know I have. And no, we're not going to tell you - reasons for that vary among women. Some might be too scared for fear of a scoff or a breakup, others might just be the type to keep opinions to themselves while others start thinking "hmmm, maybe he didn't mean it that way" or "hmmm, am I overreacting?" or "hmmmm, maybe I'm wrong for thinking that", in which case - she keeps her feelings to herself and becomes self judgmental. Or maybe there are women who just don't want to start arguing! Either way, she's hurting. Or if you have a fight - or you do fuck up - if you really care about her, for Godsakes, send the girl some flowers!!!! Even if she's the kind that says that flowers are overrated and old fashioned - trust me, all girls like gifts - it doesn't matter. She'll like the fact that you thought they would cheer her up.
Also - lately I've been coming across lots of men who just give up.
Either the girl breaks it off for lame ass reasons - or the guy screws up and just ends it.
WE WANT A FIGHT!
Think back - for millions of years it's been a primitive instinct for men to fight for what they want. It's also been a primitive instinct for girls to like that guys fight for what they want.
Femanist or not, deep down - we all want to feel wanted and special. It doesn't matter if the feelings are returned or what the situation is, we just want some attention.
So if your girl is leaving and you don't know why . . . my God man, strap up the hard on and give it your best! At least try - just don't take it to the obsessive point, cuz then it's just freaky. I mean if you're getting the 'ewww you're creepy' vibe or the 'get the hell away from me, I never want to see you again' - okay then give it a shot and end it then, but if you know there's something, even just a little - or if you messed up and she still forgives you, chances are she'll be impressed with a fight.
What happened to romance?
What happened to the jilted Cyranos of this world?
Where did the fight go?
When did men hang up their guns and cigarettes to settle for mopey and rebound sex?
At least give her something to let her know she was worth it. I've seen too many guys give up way too easy because they think that the girl will either never forgive them or they think that they are not good enough for her. Or they just sit around and cry about it.
Okay - if your girl cheated - dump her whorey ass, unless she's REALLY sorry and tries really hard to ask your forgiveness - that's your perogative.
I mean there are exceptions.
I don't know.
Maybe it's a bisexual thing for me.
I really separate my men from my women.
I want my men to be MEN and my women to be . . . well, you know.
What I mean is, I don't want this metrasexual, weepy, lover not a fighter kind of guy. Sure they can be fun and even romantic and all that, but come on! Get into a fight - be a bad boy! Smoke a joint! Tell me you were in juvy when you were younger, but changed your life! Take some chances! Your father beat you! No one understands you! And you have the most open mind anyone has ever seen! You're kinky and you'll try anything once! I like it when the soft side is underneath - the kind that write songs and poetry and draw, but are self conscience about them and really about themselves. I want someone who'll hide themselves from everyone but me, y'know? And would it kill you to be in a band???? A GOOD band - every guy needs to learn how to play the guitar and the drums and sing and look like Brandon Flowers or Adam Gauntier! What? Wait - okay where was I? I can't remember. Ahh yes . . . and where the hell are the (smart) Jordan Catalanos of this world? It's frusterating you know?
But look guys the most important message here . . . is be yourselves. Let us decide then.
As for girls - well, I'm not what you would call a 'dyke' and I hope I don't look butch. I am girly sometimes, who doesn't like to be foo foo once in a while?
I LOVE PINK!
But when I find a girl attractive, she's usually small - well smaller than me. Most of the girls I like look innocent, but have mystery. Okay - who do I think is hot? ummm - well
(much to Amanda's discontent) I think Lindsey Lohan is hot and Debra Messing - I've developed a thing for redheads - even with guys, don't ask. There are four of the pussycat dolls that I think are hot - we'll do it like this - everyone except the lead singer and the blonde with the short hair. I feel like a man evertime I watch that video! It's crazy!
Anyway - you get my point. When it comes to girls - I'm physically attracted to innocence. Mostly in the eyes and the smile - a nice ass doesn't hurt either.
Just like with the guys though, the girls have to be smart. I like someone I can really talk to and connect with.
Okay, when did this turn into a dating survey???
I don't know. That's just me.
Once in a while though - we all date or sleep with someone just cuz they look good!
Quoting 'The Sweetest Thing', "so cute . . . but sooo dumb"! Sometimes girls just wanna have fun!
(just a note: I NEVER said guys couldn't either)
So I don't know.
That's that.

These opininons do not reflect the opinions of any or all women pertaining to or residing within the information superhighway, this household, or on the planet earth in general. They are the opinions of one girl only. One girl who knows what she wants, is frusterated and seriously fucked up and jaded as well as a contradictory paradox.

**Also, I have been in relationships with both sexes and I can say that women are as much of a pain in the ass as men sometimes, so don't bite me!**

Thank you, good night, sleep well and stay safe!
LOVE, PEACE & ROCK AND ROLL
Yolanda xxx ooo

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE - PAULA COLE

Oh you get me ready in your 56 chevyWhy don't we go sit down in the shadeTake shelter on my front porchThe dandy lion sun scorching,Like a glass of cold lemonadeI will do laundry if you pay all the bills

Chorus:Where is my john wayneWhere is my prairie sonWhere is my happy endingWhere have all the cowboys gone

Why don't you stay the eveningKick back and watch the tvAnd I'll fix a little something to eatOh I know your back hurts from working on the tractorHow do you take your coffee my sweet? I will raise the children if you pay all the bills

(Chorus)

I am wearing my new dress tonightBut you don't even notice me

Say our goodbyes (3 times)

We finally sold the chevyWhen we had another babyAnd you took that job in tennesseeYou made friends at the farm And you joined them at the barAlmost every single day of the week I will wash the dishes while you go have a beer

(chorus)

Where is my john wayneWhere is my prairie sonWhere is my happy endingWhere have all the cowboys goneWhere is my marlboro manWhere is his shiny gunWhere is my lonely rangerWhere have all the cowboys gone

Yippee aw, yippee yea (3 times)

JUST A GIRL - NO DOUBT

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes I'm exposed And it's no big surprise Don't you think I know Exactly where I stand This world is forcing me To hold your hand 'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me Don't let me out of your sight I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite So don't let me have any rights Oh...I've had it up to here! The moment that I step outside So many reasons For me to run and hide I can't do the little things I hold so dear 'Cause it's all those little things That I fear 'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be 'Cause they won't let me drive Late at night I'm just a girl, Guess I'm some kind of freak 'Cause they all sit and stareWith their eyes I'm just a girl, Take a good look at me Just your typical prototype Oh...I've had it up to here! Oh...am I making myself clear? I'm just a girl I'm just a girl in the world... That's all that you'll let me be! I'm just a girl, living in captivity Your rule of thumb Makes me worry some I'm just a girl, what's my destiny? What I've succumbed to Is making me numb I'm just a girl, my apologies What I've become is so burdensomeI'm just a girl, lucky me Twiddle-dum there's no comparison Oh...I've had it up to! Oh...I've had it up to!! Oh...I've had it up to here!

Guys and Girls Cannot be Friends

current mood: irritated
presently listening to: my thoughts

Alright, it's official. Irritation and frustration have both kicked in in a big way. I was wondering when it would happen. Last week I was in too good of a mood and I just couldn't see the reasoning behind it. So, where do I begin? I put off the topic of relationships for one post. I think it's time to come back to it. (Sorry guys, I just can't stop thinking about the opposite sex...) I really tried to lay off the topic for awhile but I guess that's just not flying. So, as for the title of my post, guys and girls cannot be friends. Now, I've been fighting many of my male friends on this for years and just recently I think I'm beginning to see things their way. For a long time I thought, what's the big deal? Guys and girls can be friends without their genitals becoming involved. Boy do I think differently now. Men and women can be friends in the "acquaintance" way. Speaking with a co-worker on a break, hanging out with a few friends every once in awhile is fine. Those friendships can be done, but not a call you everyday, hang out a few times a week kind of deal. One or both of two things will eventually come into play. Emotions and/or reproductive organs. I'm sorry, it had to be said. Why is this, do you think? The past week I've been having difficulties with this situation. It's coming at me from more than one angle. One thing I cannot stand more than anything are guys acting like dumbass'. Granted, this is going to happen on occasion. I'm not about to sit here and pretend that my gender is perfect. Hell, we do things that probably send a man to drink but are the caveman antics really necessary? Why do guys feel the need to down an entire 24 and hit up the titty bar to make them feel "better." Now, I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone with what I'm saying. That really is not my intention. The term, "you deserve better" has also come up to me quite a few times in the past couple of years. This is something I could never understand. If I deserve better, that's all well and good but then why don't I have something "less than what I deserve." The way I see it is if you don't have something, than how can you "deserve something better." Don't people generally date up? Call me crazy but I've never known anyone to date "below" them because they think that's what they deserve. Anyway, I could rant all night but I've probably already offended enough people for one post. Honestly everyone, that was not my intention. I guess I just needed to get the smallest of thoughts out of my head. Have a good night everyone and let me know if you have proof of two straight people of the opposite sex being "see you everyday" friends. I would like to be proven wrong. What can I say? I would like to have hope.
Talk to everyone later,
Luv Amanda

Cheers to my friends!! "Because you loved me!!"

Hello kids. How's it going out there? I hope everyone is well.
A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I guess I should share. It's all pretty interesting.
Well let's see - first off, I've got a new job! It's at RMG and I'm working to raise money for different charities. Which is good. It's better than normal telemarketing, because I'm raising awareness right now for MADD. Something I totally believe in! It's not bad. I just don't like sitting there for ten hours talking on the phone. I mean, it IS a slacker job, but it's emotionally draining, boring and tiring. I'm used to running around and doing hard work. However, for ten bucks an hour and forty hours a week, I'll call anywhere they want me to.
I'm still in debt. and we're moving. I'm not sure where I'm going to live just yet - I'm still contemplating my mother's house, but the smoke . . . and the asshole boyfriend . . . and the cramped space for my kitty . . . I don' t know about that yet. I have to think about it.
What else? Well - my Spoo called yesterday. (AKA Stef Spooner). I love it when I talk to her! She was supposed to come down from London this month, but couldn't do it, so she may come down in Christmas. I miss her so much.
I found out something that was not good news. A friend of ours from high school; Nancy - she moved to Victoria with her brother and some friends. Well she came home one day and found her brother Dan, hanging. It looked as if he hung himself, but evidently it was an accident. I don't know the details, but I know that Dan McNabb was a really good, talented guy. His band was supposed to play at my 16th birthday party along with another band, Snitch. He was really cool and the fact that this happened is really tragic.
This news coming not too long after Gary's death. I can't remember if I told anyone, but when I was in group, I met up with a girl I used to go to school with and we started talking again. I used to hang out with her and her brother. Just a couple of months ago, Gary Depeiro was killed in a car accident that may or may not have had alcohol and drugs involved. I'm losing old friends left and right. It's crazy and it hasn't even been a year since Missy died and Amanda Sheldrake (another girl I went to highschool with.) I was really upset about Gary, I went to the viewing; it was really sad. I just found out about Dan and his funeral was last night. All these lives being lost is so tragic and senseless.
Hmmmm, what else has happened? Well - with the moving and job change and not living with Amanda for the first time in like seven years - my stress level is sky high - HOWEVER - I've been doing really well. I haven't felt really bad in a long time. I'm taking my meds regularly and trying to keep my spirits up. I mean, I still get sad, but it's nothing like before. I think my "going crazy" day was actually a wake up call. I mean, I could slip back, but I'm really trying not to. It's important to me to stay stable.
I don't know what else.
Amanda bought me a journal. A fairy journal. She came home with it as a surprise for me. That was so thoughtful. I LOVE IT AND I LOVE HER!! Thank you boo!!!
People have to remember that my friends are more important to me than anything. They are my rocks, my salvation. Especially Amanda. If more people knew our history and what we've been through in the past eight years (well going on) I think you would all understand why we're protective of eachother.

My friends are my family.

When my family wasn't there for me; my friends made sure that they were.

I know that blood is thicker than water, but water keeps you clean and healthy. I'd rather be surrouded by a flood of water than a pint of blood!
So here's to my friends. All of them!! All of you who have been there for me through whatever the hell I've put you through!All who have stuck by me no matter what!
All who have lended me their ears and shoulders and legs!
All who have stressed me out, despite everything, who have made me laugh and cry and yell and scream and throw some punches.
To all of you.
Every last one of you.
Those we've lost, but are still here every once and a while!
You all hold a special place in my heart and soul.
Each one of you has brought something different to me and taught me something that I can carry with me in my life.
Cheers to you all!!
Cheers to my friends!!!
Love you!
Stay good, kids! xxx ooo
Yolanda